


Is This The End?

by PsychoticSlytherin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Coda, Episode: s09e09 Holy Terror, Gadriel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 09, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoticSlytherin/pseuds/PsychoticSlytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has to cope with the aftermath of Kevin's death and not-Ezekiel's betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Alone. 

He was alone. 

He wasn't sure how he could've fucked this up so tremendously. What had seemed like a good idea, his only choice, had backfired, and now some asshole angel was wearing Sam. 

Fuck. 

Nothing could possibly make him feel worse than he did right now. Dean was still on the floor, a sobbing, self-loathing mess and he did the only thing he could do. 

He prayed. Not just to anyone. But to Cas. He said he was mojo-ed up again, so maybe he'd be listening. 

He didn't get his hopes up. 

_________________________________________

 

He had just killed off more of Malachai's men when he heard it. 

His first prayer since becoming an angel again. 

He didn't have to wonder if it was specifically for him for long, when he heard his name. 

"Cas. Cas please." 

Dean.

Dean was in trouble. 

He sounded so torn and broken, like the way he was when they first met, and it broke his heart. 

He could hear the tremble in Dean's voice, the way he did when he was trying to keep it together. 

So he left, going for the place he was sure Dean would be. 

______________________________________________

He'd given up on praying to Cas. Either he wasn't listening or just wasn't going to help. 

Dean didn't blame him, after the way he treated him, but it still hurt. 

"Fuck, Cas. Please!" He sobbed again. He knew it was pointless, but he was at a loss at what he should do. 

"Dean." 

Was it him? Cas came? 

Dean looked up in disbelief. Cas stood at the steps, looking in at the scene as he walked in. 

"Dean, what happened?" he asked, walking over and helping Dean up. 

"Angel. Sam. Kevin." Dean managed to wheeze out as he let Cas lead him to a chair to sit in. 

Castiel went over to Kevin's still warm body and picked up the paper that was left on his chest. 

Studying the paper, Cas furrowed his brow. "This is Metatron's doing." he said angrily. "Tell me what happened, Dean." 

Dean looked up at Cas with sad, tear filled eyes, "It's my fault, Cas. I tricked him. I tricked my brother." he said, looking into his lap in shame. "There was an angel in him." 

Cas let out a breath in a gesture that he picked up on as a human, "Dammit, Dean. And he claimed to be Ezekiel?" 

Dean nodded, looking up, but not making eye contact with the angel. He was ashamed and embarrassed that he could've messed up so badly. If his brother really was gone for good, well Dean wasn't sure if he could continue living, if he even wanted to. 

Cas looked thoughtful, "Perhaps I can interrogate some angels, find out where Metatron is. If this angel that's taken over Sam is working with Metatron, I'm not sure we can get him back, Dean." 

"Don't say that, Cas. We can fix this. We have to fix this. I can't..." Dean said, choking back tears, "If something happens to him Cas, something permanent. I'll never forgive myself." 

Castiel nodded, despair evident in his eyes as he helped Dean up, and started leading him towards his bedroom, "You need to rest." 

Dean didn't protest, though he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. They arrived at Dean's room and Cas sat him down on the bed. "Stay here and rest, Dean. I'll take care of the prophet's body, Kevin's body." 

Dean nodded sullenly and with a flutter of wings, he was alone again. 

 

______________________

 

He tried to sleep. He really did. But he couldn't clear his mind. Everything that happened, all the pain, was at the forefront of his mind and it wouldn't leave. 

He knew he would regret it when he woke up, but Dean got out his best whiskey and proceeded to drink it straight from the bottle, hoping it wouldn't take too much of it to render him unconscious


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel knew leaving Dean alone was a bad idea. He knew it before he even left, but he felt he had no choice. The best way to get Dean back to normal was to get Sam back, and to get Sam back, he would first have to find Metatron. 

Metatron. That name made his insides squirm. 

He couldn't think of anyone he wanted dead more than Metatron. 

Tuning in on the angel radio, Cas was disappointed that he couldn't hear anything. Though, he supposed it would make sense, the angel factions being at war with one another. 

Honestly Castiel didn't know where to start. But he couldn't go back to Dean with nothing. 

He wandered for hours, getting used to the feel of having wings again, tuning into angel radio to see if there was any change (there wasnt), and he scanned cities nearby to see if there was any hint of his brothers or sisters. 

He was just about to give up for the night when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Cas drew his angel blade and turned around, ready to fight. 

He stood face to face with his brother who was wearing... a chef? Is that what they're called? He wasn't sure, but his brother also had his blade drawn, 

"Castiel." he sneered, taking a lunge at him. 

"Leviticus." Castiel said, dodging the swing and throwing one in return, managing to slice into the angel's arm. 

There wasn't much of a scuffle. Even with borrowed grace and being out of practice, Castiel was still far more experienced than his brother was. He had Leviticus pinned down, angel blade lost on the ground somewhere, while Cas had his pointed at his brother's throat. 

"What side are you on?" Castiel demanded, pressing the blade into his throat just enough to see a flash of light. 

"Bar - Bartholomew." he said, wincing when Castiel sliced into his throat again. 

With one swift movement, Castiel plunged the blade into the angel's chest, removing it only when he saw the flash of light. He immediately regretted killing him, knowing he could've gotten more information off of him, but he knew angels weren't in short supply. He would run into another soon enough. Now he supposed it would be prudent to get back to Dean, to make sure he was alright. 

 

_____________________

 

When he arrived back at the bunker, Castiel knew something was wrong. It was eerily quiet. 

He went to Dean's room and sighed when he saw the man passed out on his bed with an empty whiskey bottle at his side. He should have expected this. He never tried it while he was human, but Cas knew that alcohol could be an easy way to get rid of your pain. 

With a touch of two fingers, Dean was cleaned up and sobered up, just sleeping. Cas thought about leaving the alcohol in his system as a lesson not to drink anymore, but he figured Dean could have a free pass tonight. 

Not trusting Dean to not hurt himself when he woke up, Cas decided to stay and watch over Dean while he slept. He couldn't help but smile when he saw how peaceful the hunter looked while he was sleeping. He would give anything for him to look peaceful like this when he was conscious. 

___________________

 

When Dean came to, he expected a headache or nausea or something, but what he didn't expect was to feel great. He felt like nothing bad had happened the day before, until he remembered exactly what did happen. 

The pain of it all brought him to tears again. 

"Fuck." he swore, burying his face into his pillow. Hating how weak and hopeless he felt. 

Dean startled when he felt a hand on his back. Cas. Cas was here. Cas came back. 

"Cas." Dean choked out as he turned around to face the angel, and soon he found himself burying his face in Cas' chest as he cried. 

Cas held him in a very human gesture and even though he was a bit awkward about it, Dean found it comforting. 

"I want to die." Dean said, barely above a whisper, clutching onto Cas' shirt like it was the only thing holding him together. 

Castiel pulled back and was glaring at Dean. "Don't you dare say that, Dean. This world needs you. Sam needs you. I - I need you, Dean." he said, Hesitating at the last bit, not quite sure whether it was appropriate to say or not. 

Dean's eyes widened at Castiel's confession and łooked away when he felt his cheeks go red, "Sam's gone, Cas." He said quietly, his heart sinking as he said it out loud. "He's gone." 

Castiel rolled his eyes. Rolled his eyes? Since when did Cas know sass? 

"Well, with that attitude..." 

Dean's mouth hung open for a minute before he finally realised what just happened. He supposed Cas was bound to learn human things while being a human, but sass? Sarcasm? If Dean wasn't so depressed right now, he'd be impressed. 

"Cas, really not the time." Dean said, his voice weary. He was exhausted, as if he hadn't slept a week even though he slept quite a bit last night. 

"Right. Sorry. Are you hungry, Dean? I can get you breakfast."

"Yeah... Just let me... Uhh... Shower first and I'll be right out." 

Castiel, pleased that Dean wasn't going to lay in bed and mope all day, agreed and eagerly went to find Dean food. 

It probably wasn't the best idea, but once Cas was gone, Dean dug out another bottle of whiskey and took it into the shower with him. He wasn't getting drunk, just a few sips to get himself going, to bury the pain. As long as he stopped before he got near drunk, he'd be fine. 

Two sips turned into twenty and Dean was still in the shower when he realized he was hammered. 

This is exactly what he wanted to keep from happening, but on the plus side, he doesn't hurt. The pain from losing Sam and Kevin was gone and Dean was certain he could stay drunk like this forever just so he didn't have to feel it. 

Cas was going to be so pissed. 

It hadn't even been a fucking day and Dean's already got drunk twice. 

He wasn't sure what Cas did but he was pretty sure he was the reason Dean didn't have a hangover when he woke up. 

"Fuck it." Dean said, taking another drink. It's not like there was anywhere he had to be. Cas could go Fuck himself. He was an angel. He had everything he wanted. He didn't have to feel the way Dean did, so if Cas was going to come judge him for trying to cope, then he could just suck it.


	3. Chapter 3

Groaning as he rolled over in his soft, warm bed, Dean was confused for a moment. The last thing he remembered was be in the shower, and now here he was, in his bed, dressed in sweats. 

He had barely sat up when he felt the taste of bitter bile rose to the back of his throat, and he had just enough time to make sure he didn't vomit on the bed, the floor was another story. 

Dean didn't even have to look up when he was done vomiting to know that Cas was staring at him, confused as to why he was doing this to himself. 

"Dean -" 

"I don't want to hear it Cas, okay? I know. It made me feel better, alright? I just wanted to forget." Dean growled, popping two asprins into his mouth and washing it down with his whiskey. 

"Dean, give me the bottle." Cas said hesitantly, stepping forward to take it from him. 

Dean raised an eyebrow, slightly amused at Cas' display of overprotectivenes, "Okay, whatever. I just needed something to wash down the painkillers." he said, shrugging as Cas took the bottle and made it disappear. 

"You're not drinking anymore, Dean." Castiel said, completely serious and he folded his arms as if that made any difference. 

Dean rolled his eyes, got up, and continued to ignore his angel. 

Woah. 

His? 

Castiel wasn't his. 

An angel of the Lord certainly wouldn't want him. Especially now. 

He only liked Cas as a friend, he kept telling himself, even though deep inside he knew that wasn't quite true. 

He rubbed his face with his hands before walking out and heading to the kitchen. The bunker had an eerie feel to it with Sam and Kevin gone, and just the thought alone sent chills down Dean's back. His head was already pounding, and all his feelings decided to rush back in all at once. 

He tried to steady his breathing, but he could feel himself beginning to panic. He always did at the thought of being completely alone. 

Grabbing onto the counter with both hands, Dean steadied himself as his chest felt like it was squeezing into his lungs, rendering him unable to breathe. 

Luckily Cas wasn't too far behind Dean, and was there when he begun having his panic attack. 

Unfortunately since it was all mental, Cas couldn't just mojo it away, so he did the next best thing. 

He grabbed onto Dean's arms and held him tightly, knowing that sometimes compression like that can help comfort someone. Dean, who was in the middle of a panic attack, started freaking out even more and Cas had to almost pin Dean down to keep him from flailing and hurting himself. 

Slowly, Dean began to come back and was breathing normally, grabbing onto Cas as if his life depended on it. 

It took a few minutes, but Dean finally had calmed down enough and realised the positions they were in. He was laying on the floor with Cas straddled on top of him, pinning him down. And when his body realised the position they were in, it started to respond. Dean was hard, and he was fairly certain Cas could tell. 

"Thanks, Cas." He said quietly, trying to shift himself out, but only managed to rub is already hard cock against Cas, who finally also realised the awkwardness of the situation and froze. 

Dean cleared his throat, "We.... Uh... We should get up." he said, his voice hitching a bit, wanting nothing more to just take Cas then and there. 

It was his body, he told himself. If he was in this situation with anyone he'd end up hard. It just has to do with friction. 

Friction. 

If he just moved his hips a little bit, he could get a bit of relief and maybe Cas wouldn't notice. 

Before he could try anything though, Cas was getting up, and Dean wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. 

"I... Uhh... I'm gonna shower." he said as he got up. 

"I'm coming with you." 

Dean spun around in shock, his mouth hanging open. 

"Cas. No. You can't do that. I -" 

"I'm not letting you get drunk again." he said firmly, as if that was the only possible reason to follow Dean into the shower for. 

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief, though he still wasn't sure if he could 'take care of himself' with Cas in the bathroom with him. 

"I won't watch you shower, Dean, if that's what you're afraid of. I just don't want to repeat this morning." 

Swallowing, Dean nodded, "Yeah, of course." 

When they got to the bathroom, Dean's cock had never wanted more relief in his life. He couldn't get the way Cas' body felt out of his head and he was surprised Cas hadn't noticed the strain on his jeans, he was certain his dick would break through his zipper any moment now. 

Castiel surprised Jim by letting him go into the bathroom alone, just having him leave the door cracked and he stood right outside. 

Dean thought about taking a cold shower, but he really needed something to make him feel good, so he wasn't about to put this off. 

He wet himself down under the warm water, and had to bite his lip to keep from moaning when he grabbed his dick. He definitely wouldn't last long, judging by how much his dick was already leaking. He soaped up his hands, making them slick enough slide over himself with ease. 

It didn't take long, especially since he couldn't stop thinking about the way Cas felt on him. A couple pumps with his hand, and Dean was coming on the side of the shower. He came so hard that biting his lip didn't keep him from moaning and it took him a few minutes to come down from his post-orgasm high. 

When Cas knocked on the door to check on him, Dean jumped so high he almost slipped in the shower. 

"Dean? Do you need assistance? You sound like you're hurt... You said my name..." Cas said hesitantly, as if he suspected why but didn't want to actually come out and say it. 

Dean froze, "Did I?" his voice a pitch higher than it usually was. "I'm fine, Cas, I'll be right out." 

It was getting harder and harder for him to hide his feelings from himself. 

It was then and there when Dean was certain he was screwed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, just went through a move and now a messy divorce so updates will most likely be much slower.

Dean trudged out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, making sure not to look Cas in the eye as he passed him. God that was embarrassing. Cas wasn't stupid, he had to know what just happened. Dean was tempted to apologize, but that would mean actually acknowledging what he did and how he might feel. 

No. There was no time for that. They had to save Sam. 

After quickly getting dressed, and Cas was facing him again, cheeks tinged pink, Dean was ready to get work done. 

"So... Cas." He began, clapping his hands together. "Where do we start? How do we find my brother?" 

Cas hesitated, "I'm not sure, Dean. No one is on angel radio, and I'm not exactly popular with any angels right now. They all want me dead." 

"We can't just sit here Cas. He needs us. He could be dying or -" 

"We'll find him Dean. First I think we must find the new prophet." 

Dean glares at Castiel, "Kevin just died. And he's replaceable just like that? I don't think so. He - he was family." his said, his voice breaking, "He was family, Cas." 

Dean put his arms on the table and took a deep breath to calm himself. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and knowing it was Cas, he tentatively put his hand on top of the angel's, giving it a light squeeze in thanks. 

"Okay," Dean said, looking up, knowing that accepting Kevin's death would be painful, but necessary. Pushing all the sadness and hurt to the back of his mind, Dean put up a calm front and took a breath, "Where do we start? "

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment before speaking, "The new prophet is Justin Hunt. Wait here." 

Before Dean could say a word, Cas was gone, but before Dean could even complain about it, he was back with a man who looked a bit older than Kevin, who Dean presumed to be Justin. 

"Where the hell am I? Who are you?" he asked in a terrified voice. He pointed at Cas, "We were there and now we're here. How did you do that? Are you an alien?" 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Listen here, kid. I'm Dean and this is my - my buddy Cas. He's an angel, and you're the new prophet." 

"Are you kidding me right now? Not even a year ago this asshole claiming to be king of hell kidnaps me, saying I'm a fucking prophet and now you guys? I already told him, I can't read whatever it is on those rocks." 

Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Well I bet you can now." he said, leading him to the kitchen table where the angel tablet still was. "Take a look and tell me what you think." 

Justin hesitantly goes over to the tablet, picks it up and squints at it. After a moment he looks up completely dumbfounded. "This - this - you guys weren't lying? I can read this. This - this is amazing." he said, sitting down attempting to read more. 

After a few minutes he looks away with his hand clapped to his head, "Reading it, hurts." 

"Well it's the word of God, so you have no choice. It say anything about putting the angels back in heaven?" Dean asked, leaning against the side of the table, "Or better yet, anything about Metatron having a weakness?" 

Nodding, Justin went back to studying the tablet, leaving Cas and Dean to go prepare lunch. 

"I'll meet you there. Bathroom." Dean said to Cas, before he stepped away from the angel and went to his room, leaving a quizzical looking angel behind him. 

Closing the door behind him, Dean took a breath and ran his hands through his hair as he tried to calm himself. Everything was going fast. They had literally just lost Kevin and probably Sam. Kevin was family, and now there was some random kid out there, doing Kevin's thing. Would he get Kevin's room too? 

No. 

This kid was not the new Kevin. 

But they did need him. 

Dean almost felt bad for the new kid, but having enough to worry about, he didn't have the energy to worry about another damn thing.

Frustrated and almost in tears, Dean kicked the side of his dresser, knocking down his lamp and breaking it. Why did losing people have to hurt so much? Telling himself he'd clean the lamp up later, he went and found his secret flask he had hidden from Cas and took a drink. 

He relished the way it burned going down his throat. The way it made him feel warm inside. The way he knew it would make him feel in a bit. He needed that emptiness, otherwise he wasn't sure he would make it.

He only drank enough to feel the buzz, knowing that Cas wasn't stupid. He might not know much about human things, but he sure as hell could tell when Dean was intoxicated. Hell, he might even be able to tell that he had a couple of sips, and just chose not to say anything. 

It seemed the bottle was his solution to everything, and to be honest, Dean didn't care. It worked, so why would he try anything else?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the poor quality of the last chapter. Hopefully this one makes up for that.

It went on like this for weeks; Cas and Justin searching endlessly to help Sam and coming up with nothing, and Dean, who blamed himself for everything, drinking to the point where he could hardly function. He tried to take on regular hunts, to keep his mind off of Sam, heaven and Metatron, but it didn't help at all. Dean was so distracted that he almost got himself killed on a daily basis. 

Cas needed Dean to see what he was doing to himself, what he was doing to him. How every time he saw Dean with a bottle it make him want to break down, but Dean was hurting. Who was he to take away his only means of coping? 

Castiel sighed and was about to go see if Justin had discovered anything when he heard the frightening call. 

Immediately knowing it was Dean, Cas waited until Dean gave him his location and when he did he zapped himself there in an instant. 

The sight was horrifying. It seemed that Dean got himself tied up by a couple of simple demons, but somehow they had got the best of him, no doubt due to his alcohol induced lack of judgement. 

They were taking turns beating on him, relishing in the fact that they, themselves had captured a Winchester, not knowing that Dean wasn't on his best game. 

The female was about to hit him again when Cas made himself visible. Turning around, the female demon grinned when she saw Cas. 

"Oooh his boyfriend wants to play too!" she said, as she started coming towards Cas. Without warning, Cas snapped and within two seconds, both the demons were on the ground, completely smote. 

"Cas," Dean said weakly, "It's so good to see you." 

Not saying a word, he helped Dean down, healed him, and instantly they were back in the bunker, in Dean's bedroom. 

Dean chuckled a bit, "Thanks man." he said, clapping Cas on the shoulder and frowning when Cas shrugged him off. "Cas, what-?"

"You almost got yourself killed, Dean." Cas said, his voice thunderous as he rounded on him until he was staring right into his eyes. 

Dean shrugged. Which made Cas even angrier. He shoved Dean up against the wall, and was staring at him, inches away from his face. 

"I know you're hurting, Dean. But that does not give you the right to become suicidal. You are making stupid decisions again and again and I can't just sit here and let you do it." 

"Then what are you going to do about it?" Dean challenged, glaring back at Cas, completely unfazed by the fact that a very pissed off and powerful angel had him pinned against the wall. 

He thought he would kiss Dean, that maybe what would help is a different distraction, but looking into Dean's eyes, Cas stopped. He saw the pain and sadness, but he also saw fear. Dean should be afraid of him, he was an angel of the Lord, after all, one of the most powerful beings in existence, but not like this. Dean shouldn't be afraid when they kiss, or do anything intimate. Cas doesn't want him out of fear. 

Cas pulled away and saw what he thought was disappointment flash in Dean's eyes, and Cas vowed that next time, next time he wouldn't back down; next time they would kiss. 

"Take a shower, Dean. You smell terrible." Cas said before sitting down on the bed. 

Hesitantly, Dean complied, disappearing to the bathroom, leaving the door cracked on his way out. 

Burying his face in his hands, Cas was at a loss. How was he to help Dean? He was certain he could dispose of all the alcohol in the bunker, but what would that do? Dean would just aquire some more elsewhere and on top of that be resentful. 

A short time later Dean was back, and Cas, so lost in his mind, trying to think of ways to help Dean, didn't notice him come in until he flopped down onto the bed behind him. 

"I'm going to bed, Cas, are you staying or are you going?" Dean asked, his voice muffled by his pillow. 

Cas stood up and awkwardly stood there until Dean finally looked up, his eyes red and bloodshot as if he had been crying, "Can you stay, Cas? Please. I need you." 

Cas' breath hitched and immediately he complied. He laid down in the bed next to Dean, just close enough to feel the heat radiating from his almost bare skin. Feeling as though he was being stared at, Cas looked over and Dean's eyes were sad, but amused. 

"Dude, you don't have to lay there like a stick, get comfortable." 

Wanting to please Dean, Cas mirrored the way he was laying, and flipped on his side so they were facing each other. Even in the dark he couldn't help but rake his eyes over Dean's body, admiring what a beautiful, yet broken human being he was. 

"Cas, stop staring. It's weird." Dean said sleepily, his eyes still shut. 

"Sorry." he said, before shutting his eyes. He didn't need sleep now that he was an angel again, but he figured he would benefit from a few hours, as many as Dean needs he would stay with him.


	6. Chapter 6

The cold water felt good rushing down his body, even if he was tired of this cold shower routine since .....whatever had been happening with Cas. Dean stood under the water for at least an hour, until someone had evidently gotten worried and was now trying to break the door down.

"Relax, I'm just in the shower!" He shouted, turning the water off. He assumed it was Cas pounding at the door, but then again, Cas could easily appear into the room as opposed to nearly destroying a door. 

He opened the door, and sure enough, it was Cas, who was squinting at him suspiciously. 

Dean held up his hands in surrender, "Woah there, Cas, I was just in the shower, okay?" He said, grumbling under his breath as he walked away to find clothes. 

"Justin thinks he found something." Cas said, shutting the bathroom door and folding his arms over his chest.

Dean pulled a shirt over his head and nodded, "What, and you don't agree?" 

"He thinks we should use Crowley." 

Pausing for a moment, to let what Cas had just said sink in, Dean ran his hand over his mouth and shrugged, "What would he do? How would that help?"

"The tablet says that the ruler of Hell can cast out angels from their vessels, I'm not exactly sure how, but he should be able to do it."

Groaning, Dean buried his face in his hands, "This is really our only option, isn't it?" He asked the angel wearily. 

Castiel nodded, "I do believe so, yes."

Dean nodded, with a deep frown still on his face, he didn't like this one bit. The only one that could help him was the least trustworthy of them all. "Well, let's go talk to the demon scum."

 

 

Crowley was sleeping when they got to the dungeon, or at least he appeared to be. 

"Crowley!" Dean shouted, turning the bright lights on to wake the former king. He squinted and shielded his eyes from the intrusion, grunting a bit as he tried to adjust to the light.

"What is it now?" Crowley grumbled, looking at Cas and Dean. "What, no moose? Or Kevin? Well this isn't going to be fun, now is it? Why don't you send one of them down, they're my favorites." He said with a sly grin. 

The look on Dean's face turned murderous. He didn't know if Crowley knew and was goading him or if he was completely ignorant. Either way, Dean was still angry, mostly with himself for letting all this happen in the first place. 

Cas must've seen the expression on his face, because next thing he knew, the angel put his hand on his shoulder in comfort, and Dean smiled briefly at him gratefully, knowing that every emotion he felt couldn't be conveyed in one forced smile, but he could try. 

"Kevin's dead." Dean said gruffly, glaring at Crowley.

Crowley's grin faltered, "Oh dear, that's unfortunate. I actually liked him. Don't tell me Moose is dead too?"

Dean shook his head, "No, that's why we're here. We need your help. We need you to cast out the angel that's inside of him."

The demon seemed to ponder the idea thoughtfully, "Let me out for some fresh air, cuffs on of course, and you've got a deal."

"We'll come down and get you when we're ready." Dean said before swiftly leaving the room. 

Once in the hall he leaned his back up against the wall to try and control himself. Being I'm the vicinity of Crowley always brought out his darkest thoughts, and with everything that happened with Kevin and Sam, being near the demon was especially hard.

Dean nearly jumped when he felt Cas' hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright, Dean?" He asked, concern evident all over his face. 

"I - yeah, Cas... Just give me a minute." He said, voice cracking as he tried to control himself. He couldn't though, because all he could see was Kevin, with his eyes burnt out, and dammit, he thought he had grieved enough already, but he couldn't keep it together. Now is about the time that he would reach for a drink, good ole Hunter's Helper, but he promised Cas that was over. No more drinking. No more numbing the pain. He had to feel everything. 

"Cas, I can't. I can't do this." He said breaking down as the angel wrapped his arms around him. 

"Dean, it's alright Dean. Let's go lay down." He said, bringing the hunter up to his bedroom, laying him down, and getting into bed next to him. He still had his arms wrapped around Dean, holding him close in a comforting way.

"I can't do this sober, Cas." He said, his voice breaking, and he felt like such a damn girl for crying but it felt so much better than holding it all in. 

Cas put his hand on his cheek and held him for a moment, "You can, Dean, You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." 

"How are we even going to find Sam, Cas? It's great that we found a way to help him, but what good is that if there's a fucking angel in him doing whatever the hell he wants?" 

" I'm sure Crowley can help us with that too." Cas said, barely above a whisper. 

Dean nodded, hoping that Cas was right. He tried to ignore how close they were, and how awkward it should have been even though it wasn't. He knew Cas was just trying to comfort him, and he cursed himself for having inappropriate thoughts when Cas was just trying to be a good friend because Dean was hurting. He cursed himself again for wanting more from Cas, when he was supposed to be grieving, for his body acting inappropriately to the close proximity of another body when his brother was missing. And he knew it wasn't just about his body wanting sex, or touch from another person (angel in this case); he's known for a while that he feels something for Castiel, but now is definitely not the time for him to be thinking about that. 

"Dean? Are you alright?" Cas asked, having noticed Dean's thoughts have been elsewhere and seeing the conflicting expression on Dean's face.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Dean whispered, "I think I've calmed down." He said, moving away from Cas, before the hardness in his pants became too noticeable. 

Castiel nodded, "Let's go get Crowley."

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued...


End file.
